we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
