apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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