I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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