Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
