Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
