Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
