I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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