Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
