Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize