you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
