i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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