I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
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I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
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after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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