You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
