I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
