I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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