it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
