he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
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