Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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