the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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