My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
