honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
