Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
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What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
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Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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