Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She is in my trunk
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
