so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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