so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Randomize