I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
