I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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