it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So vagazzling was a success
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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