Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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