There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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