i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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