Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
