Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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