clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
we're so committed to being not committed
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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