After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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