I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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