Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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