i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize