She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
