i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
