sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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