Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
