So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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