my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Let's get the cat blown out
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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