Is it normal to miss your booty call?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
