I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
