You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Houston, we have a blender
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
