I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
