Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
