Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
