Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My butt remains clenched, sir.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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