She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
