just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
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You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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