Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
