I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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