You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize