Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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