Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
