You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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