yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
