I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize