I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
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I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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