my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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